Laughing Out Loud

I thought you knew me. I thought we had something special…

Dear Amazon and Facebook,

Showing me ads of things that I have already ordered OR things that have not yet arrived, is rattling me.  The way when we were kids and you would shoot a paper football across the room to get my attention…

…but this behavior has me up all hours of the night.  I thought we had a mature relationship.

If you are going to target me with ads;

  1. You should be helpful and suggest things that I forgot to put in my cart or things in my wishlist that are on sale now.
  2. Show me what else I could purchase. (I mean if Target can use a scarily accurate purchasing algorithm to figure out what I would buy next – why can’t you?)
  3. Get creative.  Try something risky.  Put a little bit more spice back in our relationship and show me something that I may not admit I want… but because you know me so well, you know I want it…
  4. Continue to stalk me with the latest re-targeting ads in the hopes that I will throw more money at you in an attempt to get away. (Knowing at the same time you know where I live and there is no place I can run where you can’t find me…)

Amazon tweet


Amazon, I feel there is something you need to know about our mutual friend.

I think Facebook might be trying to convince you that this was a good idea… but I think you need to know that Facebook has gone out of it’s way to control who I see and where I go… then promise me I can see them again if I pay for ads.  It’s a relationship I no longer feel safe in so I had to make some hard decisions.  I thought we had worked things out as mutual friends, but I think Facebook is jealous and trying to control me through you…

Amazon I accept you.  I thought we had something beautiful… but I know you gotta do you.  I just want you to know what you are doing right now makes our relationship awkward.  It makes me think you are not interested in what I have to say.  If this works for you and I am in the way, then maybe I should start seeing someone else on a more regular basis.

Maybe I am over reacting and you still love me.  Maybe you have a new exciting friend that you are confiding in.  Someone who has convinced you that our relationship will be better off if you do this?

Maybe this is your way of teasing me… in preparations of a bigger surprise!

Maybe it’s your way of sharing some of our best moments in passing?

So I am going to be honest and tell you that I prefer surprises like chocolate or flowers.  Sometimes a love note, for no particular reason then you were thinking of me.  At this point I just want you to hold me in your arms and tell me it’s going to be okay.

I want to know if the romance is still alive.  #GiveAWink and let me know I can trust you with my secrets in smiling boxes…


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