Unfriend me before you eat my brownie

Recently I commented on a friend’s post.

Quickly an old friend posted, “Where have you been and why was I unfriended?”

I answered her. It’s not the first time someone has asked that. Of me or someone else they found missing from their Facebook.

To understand why this has happened, you need to understand which of the four brownies you ate…

Eat this brownie if you weren’t the problem.

Facebook has trouble figuring out what to put in your feed when you have a large amount of friends. They have admitted to playing testing with your feed.  I had over 1000 “friends” who I had lost contact with. Spring cleaning seemed like it would go on forever and I almost stopped at 700 friends. Then I read this article from Business Insider about a study done in 2013.

“According to the study, posts that do not receive likes or comments tend to be seen by less friends: an average 28.9% of a user’s network.”

Regardless of how awesome you think you are, only 35%-60% of your Facebook network will ever see it.

If the initial 28.9% did not “like” or comment on the post, then it dies.  I realized that I had friends who never tapped not because they were rude but because they were busy.

They observe trends and then they make the most of it.  They say they know you better than you know yourself.

brownie2 Facebook promises
Original photo contributed by Nevada Winkie, Kierra B.

I ran into friends who complained they never saw my posts. So I decided to even the odds and point out to Facebook who I wanted to see more of and who might be more interested in my posts. Since making those decision Facebook has given us the ability to select up to 50 friends or pages to see first.  We also have the option of customizing whether we don’t want to see posts from a certain post or the page they are sharing.

I discovered that some of those friends on Facebook interacted more often with me on other social platforms. I encouraged friends to join me in my group, my Facebook page, Instagram, Twitter… wherever they felt comfortable.  We didn’t need to stalk each other and see the same plate of brownies everywhere we went.

I made a personal decision to no longer be religious. I knew Facebook would show my friends my new activity. I unfriended some to protect them from feeling judged or hurt by my life choices. I knew putting the basic rights of human beings first would rub certain people the wrong way. Do I respect your religious choices and beliefs? Yes. Am I spiritual? Yes. Does this mean I am secular? Yes. For the most part my values haven’t changed. The way I express my beliefs have.  If we are still friends I trust that means you can respect that.

Eat this brownie if you should consider unfriending that friend.

I will be completely honest with you. I unfriended some because they were toxic. As in always posting how we were doomed, the sky is falling, or whining ALL the time. I don’t mind a good rant. We all need to vent, but when that is what 50% of your posts are about I’m going to put some distance between us.

Irish brownie Toxic people
Original photo contributed by Deutschland Winkie, Niki.

I removed all the individuals who took advantage of me or proved they weren’t really there for me or my family. They themselves were not toxic, but their actions in regard to my family were.

Some were removed because they were easily offended about things beyond my control, but blamed me for their displeasure. Some going so far as to berate me that I was posting all over their “profile” – I tried to explain to them that I didn’t post it to their profile. It was in their feed. I had no control over how often they saw my posts or what they saw.  On the other side of the issue was that they were unwilling to learn how to improve what they saw or experienced on that platform.  Which gives Facebook nothing else to base that off of their own activities. Thanks Facebook.

Eat this brownie if you like to remove the drama queens.

To me this who create a “Drama” or crafts a performance for the whole world to see. They portray an image, an image that distracts them from living their lives. It’s hard to explain to someone the damage they are doing when they get a certain amount of joy living through their persona. Unfortunately Facebook rewards the engaging drama over stuff I want to see.

I mean banana bread is just a brownie made with bananas, right?

amazing banana bread
Original photo contributed by Texas Winkie, Melissa, C.

Being unfriended is like eating a dry brownie and desperately trying to find milk to wash it down.

It can suck.  Especially when you don’t know why.

Which is why you should know you have the right to ask and receive an honest answer.

Before you get anxious about sending me a message, know this. If we are truly no longer friends in my heart, I would have told you directly why I think we need to go our separate ways. When you get ready to send me a message -check our old messages. If you don’t see anything that causes you concern just say,

If you find I (or someone like me) is missing in your life, is okay to reach out and invite them back in?

We might have gone our separate ways because of a misplaced click.  A heated moment over politics or deep seated beliefs.  Is that one rash moment enough to end our friendship?

Sure! I would love to catch up with you!

As long as you are willing to share the last brownie on the plate!

For more tips see Facebook for the Rest of Us .
Or watch this video explaining why your Facebook friends are only as good as your in-real-life connections. Namaste 😉

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